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事情是这样的。
在Z-lib网站上,我找到了一个外国的人体艺术的书籍的下载页面。
——在此我必须说明一下,我的业余时间,一般都用来阅读文化经典、历史资料和文学艺术经典,看看黄书和人体艺术只是上述阅读的点缀而已[mood8]
在这个下载页面里,我看到一个英文评论。ID叫Gators3836,发表时间是08 March 2022 (18:05)
全文如下:
A friend of mine asked me if I'd sleep with Jennifer Lawrence would I make love to her or kick her out of bed?
Before I have time to answer, I'm in bed with Jennifer Lawrence. She's stirring out of sleep, smelling of vanilla,
she flatters my performance, asks if I'd like coffee.
'Hang on,' I say, 'I did not sleep with you, Jennifer Lawrence,
this is just a conversational frolic.' My friend stands
in the corner of my bedroom, 'You've gone too far,' she says. I'm pulling the comforter away from her Hollywood body
at exactly the moment my wife enters the room.
I say, 'Yes, this is exactly what it looks like, darling,
but it's hypothetical, a mere conversational frolic.'
She's threatening me. There are lawyers in the room.
Our children begin to cry. I don't even like Jennifer Lawrence.
It's too late. The sheets are full of secreted evidence.
There are forensics in the room, covering my body
in blue powder, checking my skin for finger prints:
that match Jennifer Lawrence's. Our marriage is over.
My neighbours come into the room shaking their heads:
oh dear oh dear oh dear. My wife has drawn lists
of all the things she wants to keep: our plasma screen television,
our dog and our collection of Danielle Steele books.
'You can keep our iPad' she snaps.
Our children will see a therapist once a week after school.
Jennifer Lawrence is naked in a hypothetical sense,
telling me we can make this work. My friend smirks behind a celebrity magazine featuring lurid details of our affair. There are photos. We are on a beach in the Dominican Republic, healthy and tanned
both kicking sand at a playful Taylor Swift.
'I don't even like Jennifer Lawrence' I tell the ceiling.
以我英语四级没过的水平,献丑翻译一下:
我的一个朋友问我:如果我和詹妮弗·劳伦斯(大表姐)睡在一起,我会和她做爱还是把她赶下床?
我还没来得及回答,我已经和詹妮弗·劳伦斯上床了。她从睡梦中醒来,香草味的体香,
她恭维我的表现,问我要不要喝咖啡。
“等等,”我说,“我没有和你上床,詹妮弗·劳伦斯,
这只是一场聊天调情。”我的朋友
在我卧室的角落里,她说:“你太过分了。”我把被子从她极品身材上扯下
我妻子正好在这个时候进入房间。
我说,‘是的,这就是它看起来的样子,亲爱的,
但这只是假设,只是一种聊骚。”
她威胁我。房间里有律师。
我们的孩子开始哭了。我根本不喜欢詹妮弗·劳伦斯。
那太迟了。床单上都是秘密证据。
鉴证科的人在房间里,检查我的身体(尸体)
用蓝色粉末,检查我的皮肤上的指纹:
和詹妮弗·劳伦斯的相匹配。我们的婚姻结束了。
我的邻居们摇着头走进房间:
天哪,天哪,天哪。我妻子画了清单
在所有她想保留的东西中:我们的等离子电视,
我们的狗和丹妮尔·斯蒂尔小说。
她厉声说,你可以留着我们的iPad。
我们的孩子每周放学后都会去看一次心理医生。
在假想中,詹妮弗·劳伦斯一丝不挂,
告诉我,我们可以做到。我的朋友在一本名人杂志后面得意地笑着,杂志上刊登了我们婚外情那耸人听闻的细节。有照片。我们在多米尼加共和国的海滩上,身体健康,晒得黝黑
和有意思的泰勒·斯威夫特一起沙滩作乐。
“我甚至不喜欢詹妮弗·劳伦斯”我对天花板说。
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